28 May 2010 - Realize

Take time to realize, untill today I only realize that I still love you so much .. It coudn't be explain by any single word that my feelings toward you. I know I'm just doing something that wouldn't help much to change your feelings toward me.. But atleast I'm somebody in your heart in future. When you have your love one, i will be dissappear from your sight and life.. untill you're upset or you need someone to rely, i will always there for you. Chen Kit Ping, I'm always here for you. Eventhough you're just threating me as a good friend.. But for me, I coudn't do that.. Why? Maybe you can say that I'm stubborn, or self-fish but, this is me right? Don't worry, I'm not hate you or sumthing, just because I don't want to get myself hurt when watching you being sweet with others.. Just like before, maybe this is the way to protect myself from being harm.. I do what is best to me. I will bless you, I respect your choose.. Take care, Kit Ping.

11 September 2009 - Wounded.

Hello people, how are ya all?.. Its Sam pillow talk again.. Just wanted to share my feeling with all of you for those who reading my blog.. Keke.. As you know, I'm fall for a girl recently. Huhu, if you wan to know more you can try read my previous blog "Pillow Talk" but it is very very long kay ! So, is up to you ya. Today, I'm wounded once again, but I know this will happen anyway.. Kekeke.. I know that she doesnt like me at all, I noe i'm not her type. Perhaps i'm not a good talker as well.. So, I'm already scare her away. Sometimes, I ask myself. Why are you making urself suffer like this just because of a woman, you're still young, still got long way to go, your career, job, money, family. Try to think that people who are more worst than your situation. I always think tis, but thats not the main point you know? Just like, when u like someone. Everything that person do, will really cause u lot of impact but not what career or what bla bla bla. That person just like everything for you.. You, understand what am i trying to express? Maybe for me, when i like someone. That people just everything, u won't even care the others.. you just wanted to stay with that person, thats all.. can u people understand? Sighs..sumtime, i rather to say i understand ~ I pain in my heart.. deeply, coz I noe she doesnt like me.. AT ALL. But i noe.. better that keeping her as my friend than losing her away... But... I just very heart pain....

6 September 2009 - Heavy Rain..

Just finish movie from Mid valley.. Well.. Final Destination not that nice as expected.. Sometimes.. I just don't know why I like to think alot.. I believe something that is not going to happens... I wonder why?.. I always told myself, friends between friends will not lie against each other.. But I noe this won't be happen.. because everyone is self-fish...人不为己,天诛地灭.. This is so truth.. It is, but just depend on how much u think on it.. Right? I always take things seriuosly.. Especially loves... Maybe I do really like that person.. So I care everything around her, everything happen on her.. My friends told me, "why are u always take this so seriously?" I reply him, "Because, i really like her.. Just like how you go after the girl u like last time, won't you be the same as me?" I don't know, either this is wrong or what.. But atleast I know myself, still care about her so much.. But everytime I saw them.. Sighs, just make me can't stop thinking those stupid things.. What I can blame.. Blame myself, not capable to do what people can do.. Jealousy is all I know .. But, I'm not emo-ing right now.. I just feel wanna share this feeling with all my friends... I don't wanna lost anyone I love... My Friends... My family.. The girl I love... I don't wanna lost you all.. Not even 1 of you... Because you all really mean alot for me.. Especially my family and my buddy... I love you..Maybe the time haven't come yet, but I believe.. The day will come... Just I don't know when it is... I just try to be who am I, to draw your attention.. Even just a lil talk.. chat and smile from you, it already can makes me happy for very long..Because, it is precious than everything comes to you... Don't you feel that too if your love one do this on you :)

2 September 2009 - Pillow Talk.

Long time didn't post already.... huhu.. Today suddenly feel like want to post ya... Recently.. I fall in love with a girl... Well, we call her Ms.F .. a very friendly girl.. like to smile.... very good girl... She's a friend of my buddy... First sight she gave me.. Make me feels like she very hard to appear... I mean.. got close to her.. But then... That day... 20 August.. We went out together with my few friends .. And my friend intro her to me... After the conversation we have.. I feel that.. She's really unexpected like those girl I've met.. Materialistic, realistic .. and Etc.. But she really didn't give me feel this way... Then .. After I send her back.. I really enjoy talking with her.. even i'm abit drunk that time.. Haha.. On the next time.. I add her MSN ... And we chat... Finallys, after few days.. I realize fall in love on her, i noe it is way too fast since i only noe her for few days.. My buddy tell me " Dude, how long u only noe her? Wake up la" I know man .. I know.. What I can do?? If my mind keep thinking of her.. And I noe.. She have a bf name ... We call him Mr.L here... But Ms. F accept Mr.L because of Mr.L being aggressive on her.. Like acting her Boyfriend already before she tell anything.. I was like.. WHAT??.. She also told me.. She don't know whether she lik him or not .. So she wanna to tell him to hold the relationship first.. but.. Mr.L do not wanted to.. because he feel this is really nonsense.. Few days after.. They've argue ... So, i've decided to ask Ms.F out.. I did and she agree to go out with me also.. I was damn happy that time.. But also damn nervous because this is really my first date with girl except my cousin... I ask for opinions from my buddy.. What i shud do .. What shirt i shud wear and etc etc..And still I dont noe how to go her house and go The Garden from her house.. Hehe .. Damn funny rite?.. 28 August ... Friday... Finally the date is come ... I will arrive her house on 1pm.. but i wake up at 10am.. Coz i didnt sleep at all.. Jahaha.. Too nervous man~ So i sit and wait.. then bath .. and i start my engine around 11.45am i have to leave early because i dont really know the way to go her house.. kekeke.. So i bring my brother Navigator ( even it dont really help ) haha.. So i drive.... ow shit.. i got wrong way.. I call my buddy.. tolong !! then he say he will show me the way and ask me wait for him.. Ok finally he came and then we reach her house.. And she's late for the date since she wake up late ( as usual.. this is how cute she's! keke..) hahaha, then we're guessing what clothe she's going to wear .. I guess it black.. he say red.. Who noes she really wear pink colour clothes ( same as mine, but I'm red in square ) .. Walaoeh, couple shirt meh?? Haha.. So damn sked u noe.. Then.. my buddy show us the way to The Garden as well.. Thanks Man, u help me alot here. So.. I told her.. since u late for almost an hour.. I wan to punish you.. F :" what kind of punishment u wan to do? hehehe" Me:" How about being my gf for 1 day?" F:" Noway.. hahaha" At the moment i noe myself is joking.. but in the sametime.. I also heartbroke.. Hehe... Ok la.. skip da part..AFter ward.. we go walk around.. then we saw a shop.. full with Domokun !! Ms.F:" wahh~~ So many domokun~~ So cute !!!" i was like.. wow, didnt expect that she like domokun.. huhu.. Untill we 2 ppl go sing k.. I sang a song for her.. jay Chao - 开不了口 to her... I change the lyric inside.. haha ~ To her name and my name.. Hehe ! I noe its lame, dont laugh but its look great for me ok? Lols.. Ms.F sing very well.. huhu~ We sing SHE song together.. keke.. really happy.. But.. happy moment always end faster.. Her Mr.L sms her.. then bla bla bla bla.. They break.. That Mr.L send this msg to her.. Since u dont wan to talk, i guess we're finish now. Enjoy your moment with the other guy. Bye ( sumthing like this about the msg i barely can rmb) I dont noe i shud b happy or sad.. Coz I'm like a bad guy who seprate them but in the same time .. I noe that Mr.L didnt respect her at all.. I don't want her to get hurt from this Mr.L .. After that.. She say she very cold.. I was thinking.." i forget to bring my jacket down from the car.." So i told her i got sumthing to do, i go out for 5 min. Then i rush back to my car.. before that.. I drop by at the shop which sell domokun ( the doll ) .. I think she might like this big 1.. So i buy .. and ask them to pack up.. (wish she can be happy with this doll).. Ok.. Continue to take jacket to her.. Done.. Then we finish sing k.. and i told her, i got a friend birthday so i bought her a present.. And ask her to take the present with me.. huhu, then we go and take the present after our dinner.. I told her, actually this present is for my friend who feel unhappy.. Then she asked me who, i hang over it to her. Then she was like.. OMG, why u buy for me? I'm happy leh i didnt feel unhappy.. I say ya ka? keke, u're not going to reject my present rite or i just left it here let ppl take it. haha, she accept it after all.. kekeke.. I saw her smile.. so sweet for me, just that moment. I feel that i'm really happy while looking her face with smile.. Huhu~ After that .. we go starbucks .. and wait for our movie .. around 10pm.. and few of my friends .. coming.. keke.. we watch up.. after 30 mins we watch, that Mr.L call her again.. no choice.. she go out and talk to him.. So i follow up.. As well as my friend.. After the phone talk with him.. We all feel very down .. Cause i saw her very upset.. Ofcause.. Me too... But in the end, still carry on... After our date, 5 of us went to Cheras "small genting" .. have a lilttle chichat and view over there.. that Mr.L .. Call Her again ( Shit i'm kinda piss off with that guy...) Stll calling him Dear! Wtf.. i thod he's the one who say finish.. ( then manythings happen, all i can do just giving her idea and comfort her.. Ofcause i did ask her think wisely whether she want to keep her or not..) Then finally she really reject that person adi.. (after that we back home) She sms me, she really love that domokun ( the doll ) which i present to her.. hehehe, i feel so happy .. So.. untill now~ i still chat with her on msn.. everyday.. every of her words on msn.. would really affect my mood ... even.. She's jsut sumthing.. just a lil care on me like asking me bkful.. can really make me happy for 1 -2 days... but also.. a simple sentences.. also make me emo like fuck.. I'm sorryy Ms.F .. I noe sumtime i do really make u afraid of me coz of my Emo... I'm Sorry... We both say.. Sorry is our forbidden word.. i didnt say it infront of u but i said it here.. I'm so sorry.. Today.. I really make her afraid of me... And because of my Emo.. I've lost someone i love.. i care.. i want to be with... Maybe I shud try not to be emo as always?.. But i jsut cant .. Even i promise her b4.. I jsut can't.... Sumtime just hate myself being so emo.. Sighs.. F... I noe u doesnt like me.. I'm not your type..I know.. I understand...But you can't stop me from liking you rite.... Hehe.. Anyway...Thanks u for still will chatting with me... And sorry i making u hard to do sumtime... All I can say is.. Thanks And Sorry.. F...

1 September 2009 - Rainy Day ...

一边听着爱尔兰另类歌手歌手西尼德.奥康娜演唱的a> perfect> indian，一边看着这篇文章　一一对照自己，感觉确实很准，觉得好象什么都是命运的安排。>> 　　如果你是天秤座的人你肯定会看完它，如果不是，请你听完这> 首歌再走吧^^> 　　天平座的爱情>> 　　　　天平在爱情方面是一个为别人而活的星座。天平的被动更是让很多天平们错过了自己的真爱。天平不懂得拒绝，天平面对一个自己明明不喜欢的人，只要那 人能主动积极一点，那天平是不会拒绝的，因为天平觉得拒绝会伤害你。为了不伤害你，天平只有牺牲自己。或者，天平会为你对他哪怕是一句关心的话而感动，就 为了感谢你这句关心的话而和你在一起，因为天平永远都是追求平衡的，他认为你付出了哪怕是一句关心的话他就应该回报你，而不是真的因为爱你才和你在一 起。(感动不等于爱)而且天平将'责任'二字看得太重，却又未认识到'责任'的真正精髓所在，以至于用了一种对自己极其残酷的方式给'责任'下着定义。天 平不爱对方，却要坚持对对方不离不弃。这是一个力求公平的天平的善良抉择，更是一个近乎愚蠢的抉择。这是天平的悲哀。只能说天平懂得负责任，却真的不理解 '责任'。可是懂得负责也变成了一种错误吗？天平认为责任比爱情重要，却未想过幸福也同样重要。你完全有理由责备天平，但是在你责备天平的同时可曾想过其 实最可悲的正是天平。天平的要求真的不高，只是需要有人理解自己而已。但是，谁又能理解天平呢？> 　　　　>>　　　　还有一点，天平在爱情方面> 确实是比较优柔寡断犹豫不决，这点必须承认。但是天平为什么会这样？因为天平想的事很多想的很远，天平觉得如果要爱一个人就要让对方快乐。这里说的'快乐 '包括很多，比如说有没有足够的经济能力来维持平时和你在一起时的花销，能不能让你每天都开心，自己的朋友和父母会接受你吗？你的父母朋友能接受自己吗？ 甚至可能会想到结婚以后你们孩子的模样漂亮吗？。。。。。等等，还有许多问题！你说天平能不犹豫吗？天平是出了名的12个星座最懒的，如果不是因为爱你天 平根本懒的考虑那么多！如果天平一旦确定你就是他深爱的人并且确定了你们的恋爱关系以后，那么这时候天平追求完美的一面就展现出来了。> 　　　　>> 　　　　这时的天平满脑子就是想如何做到最好> 让你觉得自己是世界上最幸福的人。和天平恋爱过的人应该都知道这一点吧，刚和天平恋爱时的感觉简直太完美了，一些只有在电影和小说里面出现的情景会经常出 现在你们身上，你会感觉现在的你真的就是世界上最幸福的人。这时的天平只要每天能看到深爱的人开心一笑就算付出在大的代价也愿意！由于刚恋爱时的天平表现 的太完美了，以至于对方已经习惯了天平的这种完美表现，这在对方的心理已经是对天平的一种标准，所以天平只要稍稍表现的不够以前好，对方就会不习惯，就会 觉得天平不爱她了！可是，这个世界上谁也不可能永远都做的这么好，天平也不能，虽然这时天平依然深爱着对方！对方的抱怨让天平觉得自己很委屈，自己付出了 那么多对方却还不满足，还说自己不够好，所以天平就会觉得自己的付出不值得，到最后当然就只剩下分手！> 　　　　>> 　　　　在这里给所有天平朋友一个忠告，细水常流，平平淡淡才是真，> 不可能每一天都是完美的！烟花确实绚烂，但是注定短暂！这里在特别说一下天平男。天平男花心吗？也许吧。但是所谓天平男的花心又和其他人不同，最原则性的 不同在于天平男的花心跟爱情本身不关。所谓天平男的花心应该理解为是一种博爱。天平男认为世界上一切事物都是美好的，而女人更是这个美丽世界中的一个个艺 术品。所以女人是要用来好好呵护的，与爱无关！这是天平男一种怜香惜玉的本质。这种本质是天平与生俱来的，是根深蒂固的。天平真正意义上爱一个人时是和那 种怜香惜玉的爱是有本质上的区别的。天平真正爱上一个人时，天平在心中会把爱人奉为自己的女神，不仅有爱，更多的是一种尊敬甚至崇拜！反过来说，天平面对 自己真正深爱的人时内心会有那么一点小小的自卑。这里的自卑不是平时大家所说的因某种缺陷自卑，这种自卑是相对于'完美'二字来说的。大家也许会怀疑，自 信又自恋的天平也会自卑？是的，因为天平面对爱人的时候总希望自己做到完美，但是天平不明白完美只是一种传说一种境界，世界上没有人是完美的，天平也不 能，所以这时天平就会产生自卑感。要求完美的天平对自己的不完美很不满意，觉得自己配不上心爱的人，所以很多天平宁愿选择放弃(其实天平在对方心目中天平 已经很好了，只是当天平深爱一个人时鲜前昱＝羌？。但是放弃不等于不爱。天平对自己深爱的人是一辈子都不会忘的。放弃对天平来说另一种爱，天平会永远把 深爱的人深深埋在心里的某个角落默默的为对方祈祷祝福！天平不是因为寂寞才会爱上一个人，天平是因为爱上一个人才寂寞！　　>> 　　　　天平对于自己内心真正的想法很少> 对人倾诉，因为天平深知沉默才能坚强。所以，除了天平自己之外没有人能真正了解天平，除非你来生有幸作为一个天平时用生命来体会一次。。。。。。不管是谁 对谁错，一切的过错都由天平背负着，任由人们误会，任由人们无端的指责甚至漫骂，天平只是轻描淡写的一笑而过，在人前永远保持着优雅的微笑。一切是命中注 定，无需多言，我们即然是天秤，太懂得去分析事情的轻与重，善与恶，真与假了。所以说对于本身也是一种负罪吧。因为都看透了。对于真不真心，懂的人自然了 解，不懂的人也不想再多说，因为我们是天秤，骄傲的天平！传说中有位骑士名叫天平，英俊，迷人，优雅，高贵。。。。。。黑夜中，西风吹过;白马上，骑士仰 望星空;手中有剑，心中有爱，骑士正在为他心爱的人祈祷平安幸福！夜，还是那么黑。路，还有那么远。人，还那么寂寞！拍拍身上的灰尘，振作疲惫的精神，抚 平疼痛的伤口，远方也许尽是坎坷路，骑士却仍然微笑着上路了---> 虽然心碎了无痕，依旧> 白马啸西风！> 　　　　>> 　　　　关于天平的友情和人际关系:>> 　　　　'朋友'二字对于天平有多重要是一般人不能理解的。这么说吧，天平把友情看的重要。因为天平是一个特别害怕孤独的星座，天平不会享受孤独。每个天 平都有轻微的抑郁症，孤独就是诱发天平抑郁症的罪魁祸首！而抑郁症的最大特点就是厌世，这绝不是危言耸听，孤独就是能让天平产生厌世的感觉。天平是活在人 群中的人，只有在人群中天平才能找到自我的位置发挥自我的价值。所以天平总是希望自己的朋友多些在多些。对于自己不喜欢的人，天平虽不愿把他当做朋友但还 是希望对方能把自己当成朋友，但凡是天平认识的人天平绝不会轻易得罪。为了维持这种和谐的关系，天平不的不圆滑一点虚伪一点，见人说人话见鬼说鬼话。其实 天平真的很累的。绝大多数的时候，天平的朋友受到伤害和委屈了，天平总是第一时间出现在朋友旁边安慰和关心朋友，给朋友以最大的鼓励，但是当天平受伤时却 很少得到这样的待遇。换句话说，天平的朋友看上去虽然很多，但是知心朋友却很少，能了解天平内心的更始微乎其微。天平对每个朋友都很好，而且都是一样的 好，以至于大家都不知道天平对谁是真心真意对谁是虚情假意。天平一生都致力于创造一个自己心目中理想的和谐的美丽新世界，在那个世界中没有明争暗斗，没有 尔虞我诈，大家都是好朋友，所有人都互相关心，互相照顾。总之，天平对朋友是最无私的，宁愿天下人负我，我不负天下人是天平对于与朋友关系的最好的一句话 概括。如果你有朋友是天平的话，那么你应该感到幸运！

5 May 2009 - Life..

Hi people.. Its me again.. nowadays, feel want to blog .. Why? I also dont noe.. 5 May, its really a bad day for me.. Hahaha.. Firstly, i argue with my family.. Secondly.. I piss off my friends.. Thirdly.. I make someone sad.. ANd lastly, i make someone angry.. Woot.. What happen? I will like to tell u, bcoz i'm still immatured person that i make ppl angry around me.. Hah !! How pro am i .. Now people are leaving me, this is great coz i really deserve it. Even writing this blog, i still feel myself are being control.. What i wrote, just make people feel frustrated.. Or perhaps causing trouble for them.. Sam, when u're going to wake up?? And when u will stop whinning like a baby at here? Lmao. Myself also dont noe, What do my life lack of? WOot, i also dont noe. its very childish for whinnig over here but i guess this is what BLOG for, Am i right? Sorry People, I dont wan to say this but its true. I'm may a gud friend but i'm not going to hold my emotional from either 1 of u when i'm piss off. Ok? Or maybe I'm just a loser. yeah i think myself that too! A sore loser. yet, i'm proud to be that. What the fuck man, I'm just born to be a loser. HAHAHAHA, Not funny rite? What have u done in ur life which will really make u proud of it. I guess everyone of u people sure got sumthing rite, but tell u what, I done nth that make myself proud or my family or any people around me. For family, i'm just their burden. For friend, just a entertainment tool or sumthing else. Confident? Fuck Off Man, what the fuck is this confident. My confident always broke by someone else and what fo if i have it? got what fucking use? yeah i'm rude so what, Its my life I love to be like this, beh song? Siam la. Shit, Shitty Life Fucking Life and Rubbish LIFE !!!!!!

4 May 2009 - It's May.. So fast.

This is the picture that we took at CHilis!! Yummy, Look at Desy burger, woot !!
Aiyo.. So fast may jor.. I hate this month coming.. WHy?? Coz i'm going to sit for my final exam.. Man, so freaking boring and force to study now.. Sigh !! Lol anyway.. Just go out with Desy and Joan + Madeline yesterday at Mid Valley.. I reach there by 9.20pm but then they still at the curve Lol.. So, untill 10pm they only arrive MV.. In Between that time i was sms with my lil pretty girl (LOL), thanks Mun Mun ! And i dont nid to be bored. After ward we went to Chilis.. (my Favourite !) but i didnt take order for food since i adi have my dinner at homee.. Diet ma... Haha keep fit liao.. if not really jadi fei lou.. ( i'm a fei lou adi) Hahaha.. After 20 min, they were discussing to go clubbing.. but i really feel tired ( 2 May i never sleep for whole day coz i drink the freaking mocha!!) So.. i rejected.. and i noe Madeline is quiet piss off ><>